What Do Big, Feet And Your Temperament Have In Common?
If you’ve been following The Power of Temperaments for a while, you may have read my recent article, “Don’t Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone. Stay In It.”
It turns out that was rather controversial.
Or, at least thought-provoking.
In that article, I said to learn your Temperament inside and out.
Then, except in unusual circumstances, use it as your comfort zone and stay in it. You seldom have to make yourself uncomfortable by going outside of it.
This is contrary to the common myth (that I exposed) that you need to get out of your comfort zone to “grow.”
That’s not true. You can grow as much as you want inside your comfort zone.
All you have to do is expand your comfort zone.
I don’t’ want to rehash the whole thing here. You can read the “Comfort Zone” Article by Clicking Here.
The naysayers said you limit yourself if you only do the things you’re comfortable with. You can’t and won’t grow if you’re so limited, they say.
There’s some truth to that. But, it’s not the whole truth.
The Question
I received this question from one of my readers.
Dexter… I’ve been following along your Articles. I’ve browsed through the website a couple of times. I like this a lot and think it makes good sense. It’s opening my eyes to things I’d never thought about before.
I have a question though. I took the Temperament / Personality Test and I’m a Yellow “Phlegmatic.”
It’s accurate. And, I read your story about staying in your comfort zone.
It makes sense. But does that mean that even if I want to expand things in my life, I can’t? Am I stuck in my comfort zone?
Am I stuck in my Temperament?
Thanks…
Jenny F.
The Answer
Jenny…great question.
For you and everyone else, here’s the answer.
No.
You are not stuck in your Temperament.
Well, that’s not exactly true. You are stuck in your Temperament sort of…
But, not entirely.
Your Temperament Is Unchangeable
Quick review here:
Your Temperament is in your chromosomes, genetic material, genetic code, and DNA. Combined, that’s your “Genome.”
You’re born with it intact. It’s hardwired in you.
You were born Naked on the outside.
At the same time, on the inside, your Genome/Temperament were complete.
They were and remain natural, innate, and hardwired into every cell in your body.
So, yes, you’re stuck with your Temperament and everything else related to your DNA and Genome.
For Example – Physical Traits and Characteristics:
If your DNA/Genome says you have blue eyes, you have blue eyes. You can’t do anything about it.
If your DNA/Genome says you’re left-handed, you’re left-handed. You can’t do anything about it.
If your DNA/Genome says you have big flat feet, you have big flat feet. You can’t do anything about it.
I know, I know…
I can already hear you. I’ve heard it before.
“But I can get brown contact lenses,” you might say.
True. You can pretend to have brown eyes.
Guess what? Your eyes are still blue.
“I can learn to be right-handed…”
No, you can’t. You can learn to do many, most, or even all things right-handed.
But, you can’t “be” right-handed. You’re still naturally left-handed.
You didn’t change your DNA or Genome.
All you did was learn a new skill so you could do things right-handed for whatever reasons you wanted to.
And, you can make your feet look smaller by cramming them into shoes too small for you.
You could even reinvent the ancient Chinese custom of “foot binding.” That torture will make your big feet physically smaller.
However, even that doesn’t make them genetically smaller. In your DNA and Genome, they’re still as big and flat as ever.
All you’ve done is alter the appearance of nature. The temporary exterior. Not the innate interior.
For Example – Temperament Traits and Characteristics:
The principle is the same with your Temperament traits and characteristics.
There’s a huge difference, though.
It’s easy for anyone to see if you’re blue-eyed, left-handed, and have big flat feet.
It’s not easy (without training and practice) for either you or them to see which Temperament you are.
A stranger can’t tell at a glance if you’re indecisive, disorganized, a loner, or argumentative.
You may not know yourself.
Those traits aren’t as easy to spot as your blue eyes.
It doesn’t matter which Temperament you are. It doesn’t matter what your natural traits and characteristics are. You can’t change them. You can’t change your nature.
Here are a few examples that will make this more clear.
If you’re a Yellow Phlegmatic, your natural tendencies may include being…
- Kind
- Shy
- Patient
- Friendly
- Slow-paced
- Hesitant
- Fearful
- Indecisive
If you’re a Blue Sanguine, your natural tendencies may include being…
- Animated
- Fun
- Lively
- Enthusiastic
- Undisciplined
- Repetitious
- Changeable
- Disorganized
If you’re a Green Melancholy, your natural tendencies may include being…
- Analytical
- Respectful
- Self-Disciplined
- Faithful
- Insecure
- Suspicious
- Fussy
- A Loner
If you’re a Red Choleric, your natural tendencies may include being…
- Adventurous
- Strong-Willed
- Forceful
- Confident
- Impatient
- Bossy
- Stubborn
- Argumentative
Those are a few natural, typical traits/characteristics of the four Temperament Types.
Yours are hardwired into you.
You can’t change them. No one else can change them.
They’re in your Genome, DNA, and Temperament.
They’re as unchangeable as your eye color, whether you’re right or left-handed, and the size and shape of your feet.
None of these are good or bad.
None are better or worse than any other.
None are right or wrong.
They’re part of your nature.
They are what they are.
It’s About Behavior Evolution – Not Temperament Revolution
If that was as far as it went, then the answer to Jenny would be “Yes…you are stuck in your Temperament.”
But, there’s one more critical aspect to it.
You can evolve your behaviors.
I like to say, “It’s about Behavior Evolution – not Temperament Revolution.”
I’ll take the last trait listed above for each Temperament as an example. I’ll show you what I mean.
Yellow Phlegmatic
If you’re a Yellow Phlegmatic, you’ll naturally tend to be indecisive.
You don’t naturally like making decisions. You’ll avoid putting yourself in situations where you have to make decisions.
Even when you go out to eat with a group of friends, you’ll be the last to decide what to have. The menu may seem overwhelming. Way too many choices. Way too many decisions for you.
You’re likely to ask someone else what they’re having and conform rather than decide on your own.
“Oh, that sounds good. I’ll have that, too.”
It’s fine. It’s part of your nature. It will irritate some people. It will seem endearing to others. (See my recent Article, “How To Turn Irritating People Into Endearing People.”)
Whether you want to become more decisive and become a better or more aggressive decision-maker is up to you.
If you do, remember that you’re naturally a Yellow Phlegmatic. So decision making will be more challenging for you than it is for Red Cholerics and Blue Sanguines.
Also, it’s important that you take Baby-Steps.
In fact, if you’re going to make any changes in your life about anything, your Credo needs to be “Baby-Steps.” (In this light, I’ll refer you to the Comfort Zone Article again.)
You, of all the Temperament types, need to be very aware of your Comfort Zone and stick to it closely.
You need to stay true to your Temperament traits and characteristics.
You can do that and evolve your behaviors at the same time if you take baby-steps.
So, here’s a baby-step for you.
Google “Improve Decision Making.” There are about 6,000,000 results.
Pick one result/link that looks easy for you.
Read it.
If it feels good, try whatever it suggests.
But, only a baby-step at a time.
If that helps, try another baby-step.
Repeat.
Don’t rush. Don’t try to jump headfirst into the quick, hard decision making world all at once.
Don’t’ be intimated to try this. It’s a skill. Like learning to play golf or knit or bake a cake.
If you want to try these things, remember that it will take resolve and conscious thought.
Keep it up and you’ll evolve your behavior.
Before you know it, you’ll be able to order from your own menu without any help at all.
You’ll be on your way to faster, easier and better decision-making skills.
Finally, keep in mind that you don’t have to Evolve Your Behavior. You’re fine just the way you are. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not.
Changes have to come from you to work for you.
Plus, you have to have a good reason for them. What I call your “why.” (That’s a big subject for another day.)
Blue Sanguine
If you’re a Blue Sanguine, you’re naturally inclined to be somewhat disorganized.
It’s because you move so fast through life. No time for organizing. Too much to do. A brain that’s going a mile a minute, crammed with good ideas, and too busy to slow down and organize.
You crave spontaneity.
You love creativity.
You’re impatient.
None of those traits are conducive to taking the time to be highly organized.
If you feel like you should be more organized, you can be. Just make sure it’s your choice and that you have a good reason for it.
You can’t change the disorganization gene in your Genome, DNA, or Temperament.
But, you can make a conscious decision to be more organized.
It’s a learnable skill.
One way is to commit to using a calendar with a goal and task system.
You could devise one for yourself. But, you’re unlikely to do that.
There are all manner of ready-made organization means, methods, and system. Use Google. You’ll find plenty.
The trick for you is to try out several. You need to find something that works for you. That’s relatively fast and easy.
You won’t want to get bogged down by this.
I’m not going to recommend a system for you.
You’re an individual. You’re unique.
Something that works for me (a Green Melancholy) definitely will not work for you.
And, something that will work for another Blue Sanguine might not be suitable for you, either.
It’s you and only you that counts.
This will be difficult for you because you’re fast-paced and impatient.
But, if you have a strong enough reason to get more planned out, scheduled, and organized, you can evolve your behavior in that direction.
You’re not changing your Temperament.
You’re only evolving your behavior.
Make sure you do so in ways that are consistent with the result you want or need.
Also, make sure you do so in ways that are in alignment with your Temperament.
Green Melancholy
If you’re a Green Melancholy, you’re naturally inclined to be independent to the point of becoming an anti-social “loner.”
As I said, above, there’s nothing good, bad, right, wrong, better, or worse about being a loner.
It’s part of your innate, unchangeable nature.
It’s in your Genome, DNA, and Temperament.
You can’t change it.
But, you can evolve some of your behaviors to increase your sociability if you want or need to.
Google would also be a good place for you to start.
Search for something like “How To Be A More Sociable Person.”
You’ll find all sorts of advice.
You’re analytical by nature. You’ll want to read and analyze everything there is to read on the subject.
Your tendency is to become an expert on it before you do anything about it.
It’s how you justify procrastination by analysis paralysis.
Don’t get caught in that trap.
Pick a few of the articles to study. Don’t overdo it. Get the gist. Don’t worry about being perfect.
You can do this. Do it within your own comfort zone by expanding your comfort zone. (See “Don’t Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone. Stay In It.”)
Remember, you’re not trying to change your nature or Temperament. That’s impossible.
You’re only trying to evolve your behavior a little bit.
You can do it with conscious thought, conscious effort, and practice.
It’s a new skill to learn. You thrive on learning.
Practice enough and it will become second nature – maybe even a habit.
You can still be a loner any time you want to.
Don’t worry about losing your loner status.
At the same time, though, you can evolve into a more sociable human being, too.
It’s a choice. It’s up to you.
Red Choleric
If you’re a Red Choleric, you have a tendency to be argumentative.
It’s in your Temperament, DNA, and Genome to believe you’re always right. And, to want to impose your “rightness” on everyone around you.
It’s also in your Temperament, DNA, and Genome to love competition, conflict, and controversy. Those things energize you.
So if someone says something you disagree with, you’re quick to correct them.
And, you’ll be happy if it fuels a good, stimulating argument.
You love a good argument.
Here’s how to change that if you decide you want to. You don’t have to. But, you can make some behavioral changes if you want to.
The first thing is to remember this:
It’s not your job to make everyone else in the world “right.”
You don’t have to correct them.
You can allow them to be wrong and it will be OK.
That’s it.
If someone says, “The sun revolves around the Earth,” you don’t have to correct them.
Let them believe what they believe. Let them be ignorant.
Do you really care what they believe?
Does it matter to you?
Recognize that your nature is to love a good argument.
However, from a behavioral standpoint that you can control if you want to, you don’t have to argue at every opportunity.
Pick your times.
Practice your new skill of letting the ignorant be ignorant.
The Bottom Line
The above are very quick, simple examples.
I can’t be too specific. Each of you is as unique and as perfect as your fingerprint.
One of the things I rail against all the time is “one-size-fits-all” generalizations. The Internet and Social Media have made them more pervasive.
And worse, all manner of so-called gurus, trainers, personal development experts, teachers, coaches, parents, and others throw one-size-fits-all generalizations around like confetti on New Year’s Eve.
One-Size-Fits-All Doesn’t Fit All And Doesn’t Work…
One-size-fits-all doesn’t work very often.
Why not?
Because each one of us is different from everyone else.
For example, let’s say I recommend my organizational and productivity systems.
They wouldn’t be appropriate for even half of you who are reading this. I’m guessing that only about 10% would love my way of doing things…if that.
Just because they’re perfect for me and I love them, doesn’t mean they’re even in the ballpark for you.
And, again, it’s not that my way is good, bad, right, or wrong. It happens to work for me. That’s all.
Don’t read anything into it other than that.
Temperaments Are The Only Exception
There’s one exception to “one-size-fits-all” doesn’t work.
It’s that that everyone – and I mean everyone – ought to learn, implement, and use the Science and Power of Temperaments in their own lives.
Yes, that includes you.
I realize I’m making a one-size-fits-all generalization statement here that “everyone” should do it.
It’s because understanding and using Temperaments leads directly to individualization, personalization, understanding, and respecting other people’s uniqueness.
Learn your Temperament and how to identify others’ Temperaments and you learn that to be the most effective you can be, it’s important to treat everyone, including yourself, as unique. And, to treat them the way they want to be treated – not the way you want to treat them or think you should treat them. Learn Temperaments and you automatically learn respect, non-judgment, and amazing communication skills.
So Yes, Jenny…
So, yes, Jenny, you’re stuck with your big, flat feet the way nature, your DNA, and your Genome designed them.
You’re stuck with your Temperament traits and characteristics, too. Exactly the way nature, your DNA, and your Genome designed them.
But, that doesn’t stop you from Evolving Your Behaviors if you want to.
You can Evolve Your Behaviors in any ways that you believe will benefit you.
Just make sure to do so in ways that are consistent and in alignment with your innate, natural, unchangeable Temperament.