3,000 Years Ago The Secret Of Great Parenting Was Uncovered…It Hasn’t Changed Since…

Overview

You’re about to learn the most important things you’ll ever learn about parenting.

Learn them well, and you’ll know how to be the most effective Modern Parent possible.

Strange how 3,000-year-old science is still the best Modern Parenting advice you can get.

There are three simple steps:

1. Learn and understand your Temperament and the Temperaments or your children.  Yours contains your best, natural, hardwired “Parenting Style.”  Theirs contain their best, most natural Behavioral Preferences and Learning Styles.
2. Use your knowledge of the Temperaments to parent them effectively.  It’s your responsibility to be understanding, accepting, respectful, flexible, and loving in how you parent them…how you raise them.  You have to learn to evolve your natural Parenting Style to match their natural Learning Styles.
3. Teach your children about the Temperaments.

The 3,000-Year-Old Good Parenting “News…”

3,000 years ago (more or less) Hippocrates, the “Father Of Modern Medicine,” accidentally uncovered the simple scientific fact that every human fits into one of four “Temperament Types.”

The Four Temperaments became the basic constitutional body-mind types used in Greek Medicine.

They’ve been studied, used, and refined continuously since then and are as valued and valuable today as they were back then.

Each of the Four Temperaments can be recognized by certain basic, easily identifiable strengths, weakness, traits, attributes, characteristics, and behavioral styles and preferences.

For 3,000 years, those who knew, understood, and used the “Power and Science of Temperaments™,” have enjoyed the advantage of knowing themselves well and being able to form and maintain positive relationships with others.  Even the most irritating and difficult people.

That knowledge is especially important in understanding, dealing with, and raising children.

It’s vital in knowing how to best communicate, guide, teach, nurture, and love them.

As it turns out, this 3,000-year-old science is as valuable and newsworthy to Modern Parenting as it was when Hippocrates first uncovered it.

Review…

In my previous Parenting Article, On Children, Parenting and Temperaments, I showed you how to get along better with every member of your family…especially your children…

• The quiet, peaceful one. “The Mild Child.”
• The fun-loving spontaneous one. “The People Person.”
• The quiet, analytical introvert. “The Loner.”
• The strong-willed extrovert. “The Wild Child.”

You learned how and why each child is different, how to recognize the differences, and why doing so is critical.

Most importantly, you learned there’s no sense worrying about how they behave. The better approach is to teach them that:

• Everyone is different.
• Everyone has a unique Temperament that’s part of his or her Life’s Blueprint.
• Everyone thinks, feels, behaves, acts, reacts, and interacts in his or her own unique way.
• Why self-judgment and judging others is unhealthy, ineffective, and inappropriate.
• The best way to reach your full potential in life is to follow rather than fight your unique Temperament.

What’s Your Parenting Style?

Now it’s time to focus on your Parenting Style.

When I say “Parenting Style,” it’s not only about the relationships between parents and their children.

Although that’s the main thrust, it’s not everything.

This article and everything in it also applies to:

• Grandparents;
• Teachers;
• Coaches;
• Tutors;
• Nannies;
• Babysitters;
• Caregivers; and,
• Anyone else who has contact and influence with children.

The first step to awesome parenting is to get a solid handle on your own Temperament Type.

If you haven’t yet, please take our free Temperament / Personality Test. It only takes about 1 minute. You need it to discover your starting point.

Your starting point is your personal “Parenting Style.”

It’s part of your innate, hardwired, unique Temperament.

It’s how you prefer to parent, teach, discipline, encourage, nurture, and show your children love.

As the adult and leader in the relationship, it’s up to you to be perceptive, flexible, and adaptable.

It’s up to you to learn how to parent children in the ways that are most effective and beneficial for them.

Here’s the problem, though.

Their natural Learning Style doesn’t necessarily match your natural Parenting Style.

Do you want to understand yourself as a parent?

Then it’s essential that you know your Temperament Type. You have to discover your natural Parenting Style. And, it’s important to tune into your innate strengths and weaknesses as a parent.

The Yellow Phlegmatic Parent

Positives

If you’re a Yellow Phlegmatic Parent, you’re calm, slow-paced, and easy-going. You’re relaxed and patient.

You might become known as “The Calm Parent.” Or, “The Peaceful Parent.” Or, “The Nice Parent.”

You’re an innate nurturing, caregiver. You’re a sympathetic people person. You’re an agreeable and accepting parent.

You’re don’t like to argue or fight. You dislike conflict and confrontation.

In your role as a parent, you aren’t likely to be too strict.

You won’t demand high achievement, all “A’s,” or big goals.

You’ll be content with the status quo.

You don’t like to discipline.  You’re not fond of strict rules.

You’re more comfortable counseling and consoling than disciplining.

You’re soothing with your children. You’ll rarely fly off the handle, become irrational, or display much anger.

That is…unless you’re pushed to the very limits of your kindness, understanding, and patience.

Negatives

You’re not a natural, strong disciplinarian.

But, you have to realize that you’ll need some clear, pre-determined guidelines to keep order in the household.

If not, your Blue Sanguine children might charm their way out of consequences for their ongoing shenanigans.

And, your Red Choleric children will take over the household altogether if you’re not careful.  (By the way, Red Choleric children will try to do that no matter what Temperament their parents are. More on that, later.)

It’s important that you make a conscious effort to keep communications open with your children.

Remember, you’re naturally introverted.

In your role as a parent, though, you have to take the lead in positive, open, and honest communications.

Your Opposite

The biggest problems between parents and children are when they’re opposite Temperaments. By the way, it’s also the biggest problem in all relationships.

As a Yellow Phlegmatic parent, your opposite is the Red Choleric child. “The Wild Child.”

They’re aggressive, outgoing, and demanding.

They tend to not respect authority.  They believe their way is the “right” way. This starts very early in life. (See On Children, Parenting, and Temperaments.)

As far as they’re concerned, rules apply to other people…not them.

If you have Red Choleric children, be alert. You’ll have to learn to be rather tough (by your standards) with them.

Otherwise, as I said before, they’ll literally take over the household and the family.

The Blue Sanguine Parent

Positives

If you’re a Blue Sanguine Parent, you’re fun-loving, charismatic, energetic, and enthusiastic.

You might become known as “The Fun Parent.”  Or, “The Exciting Parent.” Or, “The Playful Parent.”

You love to be the star of the show. The center of attention. The life of the party.

That’s true in your everyday life and also in your parenting life.

When you have a child, you have a built-in audience.  When you have more kids, you have a bigger audience.  When they have friends over, you have an even bigger audience.

And, you’ll entertain them.  It’s in your DNA and Temperament to entertain.

You’ll put on your stage personality and do whatever it takes to keep their interest and make sure they all have a grand old time.

Negatives

As with the Yellow Phlegmatics, you have to be aware that children need rules, discipline, some level of order, and consequences.

You’ll have to be consciously aware of those things.

You’ll have to actively remember that you are the adult…the parent…and it is your responsibility to grow up, at least a little, to help them grow up, too.

Responsibility, focus, and attention to details are not your strong suits.

However, they are characteristics that will help you be a good example and a good parent.

It’s important that you consciously add them to your more natural repertoire of fun, fantasy, and fascination.

Your Opposite

Your opposite is the Green Melancholy Child.  “The Loner.”

The Green Melancholy child is serious, thoughtful, and analytical.

You’re none of those things.

You want to have fun.  He or she wants to figure things out and solve problems.

Even as infants, they’re quiet, conservative, and like to be alone. (See, On Children, Parenting, and Temperaments.)

Green Melancholy children don’t especially like fast and loud.

You’re fast and loud.

Luckily, they’ll follow rules and they respect authority.

So, if you tone things down with your Melancholy children, stop trying to be on center stage with them, and give them the space they crave, you’ll improve your relationship with them, your parenting, and their upbringing.

As the parent, it’s your job to “get” your own Temperament.

It’s your job to understand your personal Parenting Style.

It’s up to you to learn your children’s Temperaments.

And, it’s your responsibility to be accepting and flexible in how you deal with them for maximum effectiveness.

The Green Melancholy Parent

Positives

If you’re a Green Melancholy parent, you’re naturally organized, punctual, thoughtful, sincere, and self-disciplined.

You may become known as “The Perfect Parent.” Or, “The On-Time Parent.” Or, “The Organized Parent.”

As a Melancholy, you tend to take everything seriously.

You’re patient, love to learn, and will take parenting as one of your serious, ongoing projects.

You tend to have perfectionistic tendencies.

You’ll dedicate yourself to learning how to be a perfect parent whose job is to raise perfect children.

Negatives

If you don’t learn the Temperaments, parenting will be frustrating for you. You won’t understand why you have children that are so different from each other and so different from you.

You often have trouble in relationships because you start with the assumption that others want to be like you…”right” and “perfect.”

If you expect that from your children, they’ll disappoint you. And, you’ll get frustrated.

When you’re frustrated, you’re susceptible to getting down, stressed, and even depressed.

Be alert to these tendencies.

But, if you learn the Temperaments, you’ll get excited to see how easy it is to communicate with anyone – even your own children.

You’ll also discover that mastering the Temperaments is a lifetime learning experience.

You’ll love it.

And, the experience gets better and better as you go.

Your Opposite

Your opposite Temperament type is Blue Sanguine. “The People Person.”

Blue Sanguine children are outgoing, loud, fast, fun, talkative, and emotionally oriented. (See On Children, Parenting, and Temperaments.)

You’re introverted, quiet, and slower paced.

Your natural orientation is towards facts and logic rather than people and emotions.

It’s your job and responsibility to accept that your Blue Sanguine children aren’t bad, wrong, or being disrespectful when they’re just being themselves.

You can’t change their nature.

You can accept it, respect it, and teach them how to evolve some of their behaviors as needed to take advantage of it.

To be a great parent, teach them about their own Temperaments. Provide them with the knowledge they need to become the best they can be as children and as adults.

The Red Choleric Parent

Positives

If you’re a Red Choleric Parent, you’re large and in charge.

You’re outgoing, bold, adventurous, and self-confident.

You’re used to giving orders.

You’re used to other people following those orders.

You may become known as “The Commanding Parent.” Or, “The Tough Parent.” Or, “The Boss.”

You believe that your way of doing anything is not only the right way…it’s the only way.

You love hard work and getting results. You respect that in others.

You’ll expect your children to do their share as soon as they can.

You’ll give them jobs around the house. You won’t tolerate non-performance or under-achieving.

You’ll push your children to achieve in school, in sports, in whatever activities they do.

You’ll expect them to be president of the class, captain of the team, and to win, win, win everything.

Negatives

As a Red Choleric parent, you’ll expect instant obedience. You’ll use intimidation if necessary.

If you’ll learn the Temperaments, you’ll see why all children are different from each other.

Understand and accept that. Then you’ll see that “your way” isn’t the only way.

Then you can breach the tension and improve the communication with your children.

A relationship with your children based on their fear isn’t healthy. It won’t bring out their best.

Form relationships with your children based on understanding their individual Temperaments. Show them you accept them. Become flexible in treating them as individuals.

Who knows, you might get you nominated as “Parent Of The Year.”

Your Opposite

Your opposite Temperament Type is Yellow Phlegmatic. “The Mild Child.”

The Yellow Phlegmatic Child is slow and submissive. He or she hates conflict, hates confrontation, and is indecisive. (See On Children, Parenting, and Temperaments.)

You’re fast paced. You love conflict and confrontation. You like people with the self-confidence to make fast decisions and stick to their guns.

At first, it seems like a match made in heaven for you. The Yellow Phlegmatic child is obedient.

They’ll do whatever you say.

Up to a point.

The problems start when you realize they lack natural, innate self-motivation and self-confidence.

You’re bottom line, “get things done” oriented.

They’re slow and easy, “what’s the rush,” “do we really need to do it at all” oriented.

If you don’t understand the Temperaments, you’ll never understand how your kids can be so lazy, unconcerned, and uninvolved.

Of course, they’re not lazy, unconcerned, nor uninvolved. They’re just Yellow Phlegmatics.  The way they are is simply in their DNA.

Learn the Temperaments and “get” your Yellow Phlegmatic children.

You can help them learn skills and evolve certain behavior patterns that will help them in life.

But, you can’t do it by bullying them or trying to change their Temperaments.

The better approach is to show them love and respect.

Show them you accept them for being just what they are…Yellow Phlegmatics. Let them know you appreciate them.

Make them feel capable.

Show them that you value them as they are.

Give them some space – they’re slow-paced and need to take their time with things.

Try not to be on them all the time.

Keep in mind that we’re all different.

Yellow Phlegmatic children and adults are as different from you as possible.

You can’t judge them by that. And, you can’t change them.

It’s in their genes, DNA, and part of their Temperament.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line here is simple.

The best parents are those who best understand and respect their children.

The best parents learn the Temperaments.

They use their Temperament knowledge every day to maximize their parenting skills and effectiveness.  They use it to get the most out of their children. They use it to help their children get the most out of themselves.

You’ll understand your children better if you learn the Temperaments.

You’ll help them more if you apply the Temperaments.

Plus, you can take the same principles and use them to improve all your relationships.

Good parents care about the underlying, unchangeable, innate nature of their children.

They’re willing to learn exactly what it is. They want to know what makes each child tick.

Great parents use that knowledge with wisdom, respect, acceptance, and flexibility.

Great parents use it to help their children be the best they can be.

Great parents pass the knowledge on.

They teach it to their children to help them reach their full potential in everything they do in life.

The science of Temperaments is ancient.

It’s been used continuously and proven effective for 3,000 years.

Use it today to be the best Modern Parent you can be.

The 3-Step Modern Parenting Temperament Based System:

• Learn it.
• Use it.
• Teach it.

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Next up in this series on parenting, we’ll dig into more details. You’ll get specific examples on how to make all this come together and work in real life. Stay Tuned!